For a while I’ve thought that online dating was like a sign of defeat. Online dating has to me been the last resort. You online date when you’ve given up.
I must admit I might be a bit judgmental towards people who have online dating profiles. Especially young people. Why can’t you just meet someone out in real life? What’s wrong with you?

I’ve always had that romantic Disneyish idea that you’ll just bump in to “prince Charming” on the street or at a café.

Well maybe not prince Charming but you get the idea. I’ve always expected it to be kind of like in romcoms. You look across a crowded room and your eyes meet, or someone slips you a note with their phone number on. or whatever else cheesy scenarios you can think of.

As I’ve grown older (yes I know 20 is still so young and I dont know jack about dating and relationships but hear me out okay?) I’ve realized that you don’t just strike conversation with cute single people at café, partly because the people you wanna talk to are not so single, but mostly because that kind of thing only happens when scripted. Also because starting conversations with strangers here in Denmark isn’t really something you do without having downed four drinks first.

This significantly narrows down your pool of potential partners, simply because you are not in a setting where you would meet and talk to people. At this point in my life I see two possible places to find a love interest; wherever you study/work or at some bar/club.

Meeting someone at school is a brilliant way to meet potential partners

I think a lot people find partners at there university or other education related scenarios. I do however see some problems if you study the same thing maybe even in the same class. Firstly you’ll see this person on a daily basis which in of itself could keep you from even trying to score them. Secondly you are going to see this person on a daily basis for a longer periode of time, so if things don’t work out well you’ll still have to see that suckers face every day.

On the other hand if you do start a relationship with someone who studies the same or something similar to you, they’ll have a better understanding of what that study requires. With that I mean you’ll have an idea of how much time your partner needs to spend on school work. For me I spend a big portion of my day at my school and sometimes even most of the night. I can see how this could lead to problems in a relationship and why architects tend to date other architects.

Some people can find love at clubs, bars, parties.

Heck my parents met at a party and they’ve been together 30+ years. I’ve just come to the conclusion that I wont find my next relationship on the dance floor. And I don’t think many of the people at a club are looking for longer term relationships. However if you are just looking for some one off fun, clubs and bars might be the hunting grounds for you. Beware that the dimmed lighting and consumption of alcohol does tend to lower your standarts and up their level of hotness. In my experience people you do score at clubs are douchebags and go by the “hit it and quit it” philosophy. So even if you are just looking for some “no-strings-attached-fun” don’t expect them to be grown up and cool around you afterwards. And for the love of god do not expect them to call you even if they themselves asked for your number.

So where does this leave someone who kind of wants to meet someone not just for one night?

The closest I’ve been to online dating is Tinder and it would be a shame to call that online dating. I don’t plan on getting any online dating profiles ant time soon, I am still only 20. But I think my perspective on online dating is shifting. I understand why one would skip through all the assholes who you’ll undoubtedly meet, and go straight for the ones who wants the same thing as you. And this way your pool of potential partners expands beyond the ones you know personally or the ones your friends know personally. But you can also easily sort through the ones you know aren’t for you. It is a chance to meet someone who you wouldn’t necessarily meet otherwise.

So no, I don’t think online dating is not a sign of defeat.
It is a way of efficiently sort through all the fish in the sea.